"Now then lets get fucked up." "Go go go go go!" I was upside down on a kegbarley conscious when I fell over from drinking too much. "Alright boys he... done get im to my room he can mellow out there." I woke up in a room with a blonde headed girl sitting on the bed looking at me. "Good youre awake we were worried about you." "W-we?" "We." a tall woman with jet black hai stepped out of the door way. "Ya know I think he makes a good fuck. A little tiny but I bet hes got some bomb dick eh tiff?". This one is real special.”I have a feeling I will regret it, but at least I won’t have to do the dishes or clean the bathroom for the next four months, so I’ve got that going for me.*The thing I am holding in my hand a couple of days later, courtesy of Amazon, defies description. It’s a little bit 90s lava lamp, a little bit stalagmite, a little bit molybdomancy, and a little bit obscure deep-sea creature. It has a lovely, deep-blue color with a shimmer underneath, no detectable scent or taste. "Clayton choked in his beer. "How the fuck did you know all that? And evenmy name!?" Simple, my boy." He put a fatherly hand on Clayton's shoulder. "You seeI'm a wiz of a wizard." His little joke made him chuckle."Sure!"The old man ignored the crack."If you're such a wizard, why are you an old fart and in a dingy, cheapbar?" It's not always a bar, my boy, and as for why I'm here, or indeedanywhere, is that my chief joy in life is helping others. Spreadingsweetness and light into the dark. “Chan?” I repeated this, and then chuckled. “Feel free to call me by whatever you want, no need for formalities here. And sure, if you want to get right down to business, I’ll show you guys around for as long as you like.” “Oh, alright.” They both said at first, regarding my first statement about the formal Japanese extensions to one’s name, though “chan” was the least formal of them all. It was used for pet names, nicknames really. But they didn’t know me well enough to use that suffix, thus.
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